I just would not learn....

Dear You,

I was a few months old. I was tired of sleeping all day that I deciced it was time to crawl. It was such a lofty goal for the moment that all I did when I was not sleeping or eating, was to attempt to raise myself from the ground. There must be a way to stand on Knees, if not with my legs right away. Of course, all the guys around me could do it! It was a painful thing I admit. But It was fun. It gave me something to think about all day other than wondering when the next food would be served! Then a day came when I saw those cheers around me when they saw me crawl. I became a expert in no time! I crawled all day and night that soon no floors were left un-crawled!! In no time, my goal of crawling became stale and I was now on the next mission. The misson to stand-up! I mean it! On the feet!! After many struggles and bad bruises and consolations, I did that too! Initially I could manage standing up for just around half a minute, so that my dad would capture that in celluloid. But I gained expertise in that as well.

Days passed by and standing was not even a matter of concern. Even walking was something I was at ease. So thrilled I was at the new rare talent in me that I kept walking around the same places again and again till I would groan with pain in the night! Soon, days when there were just one goal were no more. I now had to ride the tri-cycle as skillfully as Debby could and I also had to score more than Winnie in the next exam. I just could'nt imagine how she could always remember that 'T' came after 'S' and not before! I think God was unfair in creating us! She definitely was more brilliant I knew. After hours of hard work, I was able to memorize the entire alphabets and repeat them with ease. I also set better targets for my friends when I could even say 0-9 and say that equally fast backwards as well!!!

So, I was a first rank holder and an expert tri-cycle rider. But I was not even relishing these mighty achievements because now it was time to ride a cycle with two tyres! Yeah, tri-cycle is a kid's thing and I was growing up! I cant ride that any more. After many patient hours of crying and making a real mess at my home, I saw my dad get me a new bi-cycle! I was on target from day one. The price of learning the bi-cycle was pretty high. A nasty fall in a mud pit and a bad crash with a parked car, almost made me look like a wounded hero of the WW2! Nevertheless, there came a day when I could ride the beast! Yeah, it had to fall for me. And the tamed creature served as my vehicle to my school for many years to come!! But even before I could devote time to relish my talent of riding it, I now had to learn and sing the carnatic verses better than the girl next door and I still did not know Vishnu Sahasranamam ( A chanting in praise of the Indian God Lord Vishnu) by heart as did Qwerty. Man, I was already having enough things to worry about. I was in no mood to sit aside and enjoy the achievements. Simply because, who cares! They have already been Achieved!!! They have lost the charms they had in them when they were still far enough. I was not 'hopefully travelling' any more coz I had already 'arrived'!

More targets were set and they were tried with loads of hope. New targets succeeded old ones as days passed by. New hope replaced old ones and life moved on in a similar fashion. But one thing was the same all throughout. I never celebrated the acheivement of any goals for a long time for I could immediately see more and better goals. My wants were always present no matter what I already have and every time I got what I wanted, I had already started wanting new things. There was a time when getting the school topper position in 10th grade was all that I needed. There was a time when getting into a college like BITS was all that I needed. There was a time when SOMETHING was ALL THAT I NEEDED. But still, it was then. Whatever I want now, and looks like the most important thing that is all that I need today, is not even going to be there tomorrow and still, knowing the way the 'wants' work, I still have something that I want as of now, as of today.

There were times when I used to think If life was playing a game with me by always setting moving targets and making me believe that chasing the changing targets was all life was about. But a natural intuition in me would make me think. A human creation like ours considered far superior than the rest could not have been made just for this purpose. A deeper insight would make it obvious that every species has been made special in a way. Humans can't sleep as a hibernating polar bear nor can they reproduce like turtles when all the mess is for begetting just one or two! Humans cant lift as much as an ant that can lift almost fifty times its weight nor can we eat like a hungry python. Every species does something special and logically, the creation of a human that looks like the most evolved creation is supposed to be specializing in something that the rest cannot do.

But looks like chasing the ever changing targets is all that we all do. Even after a few philosophical sermons and few religious scriptures that taught me that life is a meaningless, never-ending, hood-winking experience when we go away from our self and the true speciality of a human lies in travelling inwards within our self, I never seem to learn. Though I know I need time to slow down and look at my own self. Though I know its time to sit down for a while and see whats within me and understand the real purpose of existence of a superior creation like us, I still am doing simple things that do not necessitate all the virtues and faculties that I possess. I find myself simply lost in the flurry of things around me where I also find zillions of all others who have lost themselves.

Looks like I too would lead a existence that many have, thinking and convincing myself that chasing the changing targets is all life is about. That some material achievement is all that is 'real' in life in a world that is transient and a beautifully shrouded illusion.

Looks like I just would not learn...

Definitely,

Me.